If You Didn't Pay for the Airfare, It Ain't a Vacation

So, you're a working mom. Fine. A working mom who travels on any frequent basis? Less fine. And depending on your child care options, it can be a lot less fine. Like not fine at all. Like a disaster. But, hey, you're trying to pay these bills so you figure it out. How do you do that? By spending the year negotiating with your spouse, wearing out your welcome with family members, emptying your bank account to babysitters and manipulating your monthly calendar like a sweet game of Tetris. Minus the fun, robotic music.

Upon closing out last week's work travel, I got to thinking about how insanely psyched I am for our family trip to California this summer. The tickets are booked, and so is the time off. It's going to be 8 days of seeing family, friends and old stomping grounds that I have not visited in a long, long time. My son will meet my dad for the first time, which, as you can imagine, will be the best day ever. This will be a VACATION. 

Why does this matter? Because when you are a person who travels for work - of any significant frequency - there are always those people who act as though your impending work trip equates to you setting off on your own private holiday. As if a three-day training seminar translates to you backpacking through the French countryside. It's all very odd. For the record, I haven't been on a proper family vacation in YEARS. Something always seems to get in the way. And that two-night jaunt to the Poconos last year definitely doesn't count. If you've "vacationed" in the Poconos, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Sorry if you live in or really dig the Poconos. Wow, I really wish I meant that.

Anyway, to get back on track, people who don't fully get the concept of work travel ask curious questions like, "Ooooh, where are you going?" as if the destination might be somewhere highly exotic. I mean, to be fair, maybe they know people that embark upon exotic business trips? You know, like the characters on soap operas. I'm fairly certain, though, that any non-actor person traveling to the Caymans "on business" is either lying, hiding a sh*t ton of money, or involved in some serious illegal activity. My advice would be to either scrape together an extortion game plan or avoid that individual at all costs.

Then, when I return there are more questions like, "Did you have fun?". I'm always a bit confused by this question, and so my answer to that is usually "Sure". Or, "Uh, yeah". Look, what do you want me to say? The trip served its purpose - full stop. Do we usually fit in a couple of fun activities? Yes. Am I extremely fortunate to work on a team that enjoys each other's company and likes to seek out cool experiences? Yes. Does any of that put work travel on the same level as a vacation? Yeah, still no. 

On another level, what kills me is hearing about other working parents' struggles with work travel and the lack of support or acknowledgment from their other half that the work travel they are doing is, in fact, actual work and not a multi-day fun-filled extravaganza of epic proportions. News flash, it isn't. Luckily, my husband happily holds down the fort like a boss while I'm gone and manages to not make me feel like sh*t for being gone in the process. And I appreciate him deeply for that. For anyone else who is still confusing work travel with a vacation, here are some notable distinctions:

1. If I'm planning vacation travel, I probably won't choose to wake up at 3am so I can take a 6am flight. In a vacation situation, you're most likely going to make the travel part as easy as possible, which means you might arrange the logistics to come and go as you please. Ripping yourself and your family out of bed at 3am cranky and bleary-eyed probably doesn't equal awesome times. Flip that to a work travel situation and you will get yourself up at all kinds of ungodly times of the night/morning to get the hell on that plane, do your required business and get back home that much faster. Again, someone is always needing you and your own bed is still pretty dope - never mind how damn comfortable they are making these hotel beds nowadays... #likesleepingonadamncloud
2. If I'm planning vacation travel, it's not usually to go to Any Blah City, USA. Even if you end up in a cool city like Chicago or L.A. on business, you aren't exactly spending your time seeing shows or sunning yourself on a beach. You're there to do business-type activities...whatever those are for you and your business. That's how you get out of paying for the airfare. Presentations, meetings, customer visits, etc. are what's up. The walk to and from the rental car are often the most time that you're actually going to spend outside in fresh air. So you went out for dinner...OK...? You earned that cocktail (or three).
3. If I'm planning vacation travel, I would prefer to take my family with me. Believe it or not, the dude I married and the boy child to whom I gave life are my preferred vacation companions, give or take a few other family members. Yes, even more so than the people I work with. Work homies, don't get all riled up. You know I've got mad love for you, but you also know that you'd rather be on an island with your boo than with me. 

As I have explained, having a full-time career is my thing. It's something that I have spent many years nourishing and cultivating - just like I'm doing with my small person, only for much, much longer. I will never choose between being a mom and working because for me that is an impossible choice...and because my mother showed me that both could be done damn well. All that said, let's stop making ourselves and each other feel guilty about the ways in which our work lives impose upon and intersect with our personal lives. I know that one day I'm going to be on that Mediterranean beach with my husband and I vow to eventually take Dallas on the most rad Disney vacation ever. These things WILL happen. And not in 2030, like peeing alone and showering for more than eight minutes. Until we get there, I will rack up enough of these frequent flyer miles and hotel points for us to vacation like ballers when the time comes.

Stay sane and travel safe!

-Regan